I suspect it of being a fruit tree. It’s self seeded in a bed I was prepping, and was hiding behind a tomato. It’s shot up in the last week  and I have to decide whether to transplant it or bin it. But I’d like to know what it is first, because it’s in clay soil so it’s not going to be easy to dig up – is it worth the bother?

This is not the only thing having a growth spurt in my garden. On Sunday, the kiwi fruit was finally, finally reaching out a tendril towards the verandah. Sunday evening it had made it. Monday morning, four more tendrils were following it, and it was creeping up the rail. I had to run out and buy some wire to start trellising it. That’s been the last three evening, putting trellises on basically every upright structure, some with shadecloth behind the wire to stop the plants burning in this wicked sun we’re having. Very satisfying to not feel behind the eight ball for once. I’m sure it won’t last but I’m enjoying it while it does.

‘Garden’ is such a lovely word. Is that just me? Sounds soothing and promising at the same time. It’s a paradise. A place with fairies at the bottom.

Well, my garden is not a paradise, and I’m pretty sure the chickens would eat any fairies.

But it is quite nice at the moment. Not very edible – the squash is ripe but has mildew, everything else is either not yet ripe (tomatoes and potatoes) or gone to seed (leafy things). I’m hoping the new drip watering system will slow down both mildew (not on this one, it’s too far gone, but on future squashes) and seediness, as most of it came from underwatering on hot days.

Pretty squash flower with telltale signs of deadly overhead watering. It's gotten very mildewy since this photo, I'll have to pull it all out when it's less hot but I've already had lots of good feeds from it. I know zucchini glut is supposed to be terrible, but I will take all of it that I can get. Yum.

Lettuce gone to seed. I'm letting it, until I have other things to plant. The bees like it.

The tyres are full of potatoes - two dutch creams and two sapphire. The frothy looking bed behind is mostly potatoes, but the froth is seeding silverbeet. It smells lovely and sweet, and that plant was amazing. It grew like woah, and lasted a year before I forgot to water it in a heatwave, so I'll be saving the seed when it dries.

Sapphire potatoes. The stems are more purple and... nightshadey... than the Dutch creams.

But despite the lack of actual food in it, it is very green and pretty. The sunflowers grew themselves, presumably from the chicken food. I left them even though they are in inconvenient places because they are so beautiful. And will make good chicken food when they’re done.

There’s a certain time of day that I can’t resist hanging out in the garden, often taking gratuitousness photos. The light is just so beautiful. It’s about a half an hour before bird roost – the chickens in their dome, and the local lorrikeets in the big tree two doors down. These long summer days it’s a good couple hours before sunset. Just as the earth is starting to cool down a little. Everything glows.

Even the weeds.

It makes my scrappy little garden, full of weeds and overgown things, into a magical place to be.

1. Garter kimono 2, 2. Aviatrix hat, 3. Mr fox, 4. June 015, 5. Cowl, 6. Paired, 7. Pair, 8. July 059, 9. Hanging out, 10. Cowl 2, 11. FBS, 12. Cloths

It looks small, in that little mosaic. And the fox stole seems over represented. Only one (adult) jumper. I knit about three more, in ripped ones, though. Oh, well. Two on the needles at the moment, but I’m trying to churn out that baby blanket (it’s huuuuuge).

I’d love to show you some of the sewing I’ve been doing, but don’t have photos. Might have to have a shoot. Not today, it’s yet another 40 degree day out there. Yeesh. Only 35 tomorrow. ONLY THIRTY FIVE.

On the plus side, I did get the drip watering system in, in time to save my poor drooping plants and also to squeak in under the cut off for the State Government rebate. I win that one.

Went to stay with S for a few days. It’s like a mini resort stay. Not as luxurious, but someone else does all the work, I am fed excellent food, and there are no ‘shoulds’. Went up to my old hometown to look at the lights and the christmas tat in the markets there. Was awful in a very nostalgic way and I was only a little bit sad – when we went to see the ‘living nativity’ in which my family participated every year. I was usually a shepherd, not being blonde enough to be an angel, which was fine because the animals were great and one year I got to lead an alpaca around. One glorious year I got to be the wise man’s assistant, and wear the shiny costume. My dad was the corresponding wise man. When we saw it there was a dad and his daughter playing those roles, and there were a few Moments. In a good way, sort of.

I was a bit apprehensive about the stay. I’ve only really spent time with the kids a few times, and I’ve previously found the eldest a bit… not difficult, that’s unfair. They are both super lovely kids. But he is/was a teenage boy. And his temperament is a bit like mine, so there were some moments I found hard to navigate especially as I have no actual status as anything. But this year was 100% delightful. Those boys are turning into – are already – lovely people, and it was a pleasure to hang out with them. It was heartening.

I have had some very thoughtful christmas and birthday presents from friends. I don’t really expect anything, in general, although it’s nice to have something to open. But everything I’ve received has been so perfect and thought out. It’s lovely to know that people are thinking about you and care enough to go through the hell that is christmas shopping. That sounds a bit self aggrandising, somehow. But I really mean it to be about how much I appreciate my friends, and how touched I am by the lovely gifts. One was a book about guerilla embroidery from a guy friend who always gets gifts bang on. Previous gifts from him include a brooch that is a teeny bit of knitting on teeny needles, and a book on how to make zombie cupcakes.

Speaking of cupcakes, been baking up a storm here. I’m in charge of deserts for Christmas lunch. I think I’ve gone a bit overboard. Last night I cooked a christmas cake – my first christmas/fruit cake ever, a little singed around the edges but man, it smells divine. At the same time I cooked a roast and two loafs of bread for domestic consumption, made the pastry for the famous and requested chocolate pie, and made vanilla icecream which is basically frozen custard and is absolutely amazing. I ate the bits that were left in the freezer bowl and then I thought I might die of a heart attack right there, because it was so rich. Tonight I made an inferior ice cream, with just cream and vanilla essence, for people who want to eat icecream without fearing death, the actual famous chocolate pie (originally a Jamie Oliver recipe), a raspberry coulis for said pie, and some lemon curd to go on top of the pav that I’ll make tomorrow morning. Did I mention that both today and yesterday were high thirties? Yikes. But should be cool enough to sit outside tomorrow.

I’ve also been making. I had a little production line and made a bunch of bike shorts to wear under skirts. Churned them out, I’ve cracked it now and each pair only took about 20 minutes, cutting included. I also made two skirts, both from the same Ottobre pattern that I traced off of Janet’s magazine one Camp. I discovered the blind hem stitch on my machine, which is AMAZING, but I buggered one of them up so have to redo it. Maybe tomorrow? It’s red and white so I might wear it as a festive outfit to lunch. I feel like I’ve leveled up a bit, sewing-wise. I’m still finding it hard, and there’s lots of swearing and ripping out seams, but things seem a bit more possible, somehow.

I really just meant this to be a bullet point catchup, but apparently I had more to say than I thought. Well, anyway, I am thinking of all of you this holiday season, and wishing you a happy whatever-you-celebrate (I’ve got a few christmases, a solstice or two, Hanukkah, Kwanza and a festivus, that I know of). Thank you all for another lovely year of internet friendship, sporadic as it may have been on my part. Here’s looking forward to many more.

First up is a pair of Genmaicha mitts for myself.

I knit a pair of these for my sister’s birthday in 2008. I really loved the pattern – the cabling is so interesting to work, and very neatly designed. In 2009 I cast on for a pair for me in this undyed Camel yarn, but they came out to small so I frogged them. I cast on again in April of this year, and worked on them in fits and starts. They were done in July, photographed in August, blogged in December. Not very timely mitts. But they are nice and warm, and soft although the long hairs make them a teeny bit itchy on my wrists. I got a good month’s worth of wear out of them before it got warm enough not to need them. I’m glad to have them ready for next year, though.

Next up is the cowl that I knit from S.

I knit it from Malabrigo and the original plan was to knit it long enough to be a snood/hood thing. But that didn’t work out – it would have to have been wider and maybe double-wrapped, which he didn’t want. As it is, it’s tall enough to keep the top of his neck warm if need be.

Terrifying. I did offer to knit a matching beanie out of the leftovers, but he was uninterested.

I’ve always wanted to try brioche stitch, so I looked up the instructions, swatched, worked out how wide I wanted it (100 stitches for about a 32″ circumference), and went to it. Brioche. Lovely and smooshy. Would knit again.

The last is a more up to the minute FO. A pair of ‘better than booties’ that I knit for my Boss’ baby shower, which was last Saturday.

I’ve knit this pattern before, both times in the ‘ruffle cuff’ variation. Very neat pattern. I might try to whip up a few pairs (maybe try one or two of the other variations, which are also sweet) for generic baby gifting. I wish I liked baby knits more. She says, contemplating the baby blanket that has possibly fallen into some sort of time portal and will just absorb all the knitting hours without getting closer to being finished. Hmmm, booties are looking promising.

One of these booties took me one day to knit – to and from work on the bus, and an evening on the couch. The other took one whole week’s worth of bus knitting. No need for the pattern being lugged around, although I did need paper to mark rows on.

Also, please to note the rhubarb leaf on which the booties are nestled. I grew it from seed, and then left it in its little pot a bit too long because I wasn’t sure where to plant it. All the places that would be good for rhubarbs are sort of in transition – waiting to be mulched or fenced. So I prepped a spare half a wine barrel with a bunch of rabbit poop, and planted it there. Within a week the leaves had burnt off, but I kept watering it in hope. It sprung back like WOAH. I took these photos on Thursday last week. Here it is, in its pot.

This is the disorganised side of the garden. My policy is, if it’s not in a garden bed, and it’s not poisonous or spikey, and it’s growing, it can stay. You can also see the sad passionfruit that shot up last summer during a heatwave, so that I missed training it properly, and the bed that is supposed to be the herb garden but that I need to fence because the chickens like taking dust baths there.

Anyway, I went out to water the rhubarb on Sunday and it’s now hanging over the edges of the pot. I swear it doubled in size in two days.

That rabbit poo is good stuff.

Anyhoo. Here are some knits what I have made. The first is a WIP of a baby blanket. My best friend from high school is pregnant and man am I excited about that. So I decided to show off show her how much I care and knit sunbreak, but with the cable sun in the middle being colourwork. I knit the centre bit at craft camp in September, and as we were packing up and leaving I was winding little cardboard bobbins of yarn to start the intarsia.

It was… complex.

So, that bit was a bit of a nightmare. At one point I messaged her and said ‘I’m knitting you a blanket. Just so you know, it’s a bit shit’. The yarn is Bendigo Classic. I hate it, but I wanted superwash, and nice bright colours, so it was a compromise. Because it’s crepe ply and not very wooly, it wasn’t very forgiving of gaps and turns in the colour transition. But as it’s come together it’s looked better and better, and I’m weaving in the ends to close the gaps.

I’ve been done the colourwork for a while, and now I’m shaping the edge so it’s rectangular rather than round. I’m trying to weave in the ends as I go.

I’m pretty pleased with how it’s turning out. Rav link.

The other one is my third fox stole. This one is for my sister. It’s been finished since September, as you can see by the fact that Suse took some photos of it:

But I didn’t sew eyes on it until last week. Obviously. I have to package it up tonight so I can post her her Christmas parcel.

Rav link. Pretty pleased with this one, too. The yarn is a mystery yarn from my stash. It didn’t quite make it the whole way, and I had to buy some Palette to finish his chin and legs. His nose and ears are leftover malabrigo from S’s cowl. And he’s pretty snuggleh.

If you click through you can see said friend commenting on said dodginess. It wasn’t his fault. He had inferior materials to work with. See, I needed the dome to be small, because I was getting bantams and I wanted lots of smaller garden beds, so I could tesselate them around my awkward space. But that meant that pvc was too thick to bend into such a small circle. The dome needed to be about 1.5m in diametre. So I got polypipe, which was alright. Except that it’s obviously not very rigid. So when the chickens roosted on the roost, which depends from the top of the dome, it buckled. I reinforced it with wire inside the pipes and cross bracing, but after about 18 months of being moved around teh garden, it had had it.

This was taken in April 2010. All those weeds are now some potatoes and some brassicas that really should have finished maturing and come out, because I planted things under them. But it’s a cold, dark corner behind the house so they’re taking their time. Perfect place for summer lettuces, I think.

I wanted to make a geodesic dome. I’d seen milkwood’s version. But the problem with that was, with my tiny bed size, there just wouldn’t be enough height to give the chooks good roosting room. Plus, that factor would make it unsafe. The gels freerange around the garden, and make their way to the dome at night. I try to lock them up at night, but I often forget. One of the advantages of the dome is that while things like cats and foxes can jump high, they have to jump long to do so. So they have trouble getting up to chooks roosting in a small space (well, ideally, anyway). Anyway, after some googling I found a really great example here. The great thing about this was that it was the top 2/3 of a sphere, rather than the top 1/3. This would mean that the chooks have the maximum possible scratching room, for when I do lock them in, and adequate roosting room. I followed up on the people mentioned in the post and found that they’d done the math for me, along with an easy-to-follow tutorial.

So I had a crack at it, but everything I tried looked wrong. I figured I’d missed a step or was doing something wrong, and I asked S to help me. After doing some modelling, we figured out the problem. The maths was for the massive dome. Ours was scaled way down. The difference for us between the long struts and the small was only 1cm. This meant the margin for error was teeny. Given that we needed about 90 of each length, and that they would have to be cut and drilled precisely… we gave up.

But I still needed a dome! So, we improvised. To be honest, it was mostly S, because I was feeling very unwell that weekend and had to keep going into the house for drinks. I was heavily involved at the start, so there are no pics of that. And then I retreated to taking pictures, handing him the drill, and wilting delicately.

Here is basically what we did.

Ingredients:

Quite a lot of polypipe. I think I bought a 20m roll and we used almost all of it, although some of that was on the failed geodesic attempt.

Something to cut the polypipe – scissors will do. The evil pair, obviously.

A tape measure.

Lots of bolts. I think we used about 75 in this. Measure how thick your polypipe is, and get bolts that are at least as twice as long as that.

As many nuts as you have bolts.

A drill with a drillbit that matches the bolts.

Pliers, to tighten the nuts.

Something to make the roost from (we used bamboo stakes and twine salvaged from straw bales, because I am shonky a trendy upcycler.

Some chicken wire. I got fine birdwire in an attempt to foil the sparrows (it didn’t work. Curse them)

Lots of cable ties. You should have these anyway because cable ties are AWESOME.

Lots of patience. And tea. But no alcohol.

• Measured the existing beds. If you haven’t established beds yet, you should plot out where you want them using string or chalk/flour. Make sure you can comfortably walk around them, and the paths are logical. Do this now, even if you aren’t going to establish some of the beds for a while, because it will affect the size of the beds, and therefore the dome. Feel free to make little maps of your garden (fun!) and move things around on paper a bit before deciding. My beds are a few cms bigger than the dome, so that the dome sits comfortably inside them.
• Lay out your bottom circle of poly pipe until it is the correct size. Have one person hold it into shape. They’ll probably have to sit in the middle and hold both sides.
• Have the person in charge of Practicality and Aesthetics (this was me) decide how tall they want it. Have the holder hold one end of a piece of polypipe to the bottom circle, and arch it over the top until it looks right. Cut it at that length, then use it as a template to cut two more.
• There are actually four struts, though. Well, three and a half, plus a gap where the door is. I’ve sort of tried to make that clear below but maybe I just made it more colourful?

• Anyway. So you want three long struts, and one that is just over half the length.
• We attached the pipe by drilling a hole through it, sticking a bolt in, and screwing a nut on. You don’t want to screw this too tight, or it will create a fold in the pipe, making it less strong. You can see where we’ve screwed the nut too tight on the second circle up, and the struts are bending a bit.
• We definitely did not have a fight about this. But if we did, I definitely won.
• Ok, so attach each of the three struts, plus the half strut. Basically, you will need to mark eight points around your base. They should be an equal distance apart from each other. Drill a hole through the side of the base, and through the bottom of your strut, about 2cm from the end. Obviously use the same size drill but as your bolt is. I WAS going to use the size up. We did not have a fight about this either, but if we did, I definitely lost.

• So, now you’ll have your base, and your four struts attached. The struts will be flopping all over the place, flipping the base up, etc. Have one person hold the all together at the top, and the most OCD person (not me) adjust it so that they are roughly even. This doesn’t have to be perfect, but it does have to be good.
• Once you’ve got them about right, drill through all the struts right at the peak. You will need a really long bolt for this, but it’s also ok to compress this join a bit more.
• You can trim any ends that are sticking out a long way past the bottom circle, now.

• It will still be all floppy. Have the OCD person sit inside the dome, and hold the struts up. They should all be sitting up in the position you want them to be in the end. So, not all wibbly wobbly, and DEFINITELY not all timey wimey. Have the Person in Charge (me) make another circle of polypipe, the same size as the base. They should run it down the dome until it sits about where it looks right. The struts should get sucked in a bit – this is not really a dome anymore. It’s a… curve topped cylinder. Or something. Anyway, the second support circle should suck them in, and also not be higher than your chickens are comfortable jumping.
• Mark where the circle needs to go, or measure how far up the strut. Drill holes where holes need to be. If you are the OCD person, do this from inside the dome, just holding the struts in the air. If you are the Person in Charge (PiC) close your eyes and wince every time, as you are convinced that the OCD person is going to drill through his own hand.
• Drill through the circle at the appropriate points, and join it up.

This is getting pretty wordy, so here's a picture of a cabbage I grew. It was delicious.

• OK. Now you should have the bottom circle, the second circle, and the struts. It will be less wobbly, and might sort of be standing up by itself.
• Attach the top circle. This is stabalising, but not load bearing, so it’s less essential. Make a circle of polypipe and slide it down until it’s where you want it. Cut it to that length, attach. Make sure the gap between the second circle and the top one is big enough for your chickens to perch on the second circle.
• Now you need to stabalise the dome. We did this with triangular bracing. Have the OCD person sit inside the dome. They can run the polypipe from corner to corner within the rectangles of the bottom section, guessing how much they need. The other person will need to hold the dome stable, as otherwise it will shift around and the lengths will change.
• Repeat previous method of drilling from inside of the dome. Don’t skimp of the wincing and flinching.
• This bit takes FOREVER. Also, it is very boring

• We double reinforced the front part, because that’s where the chickens jump in. They perch on the rim and so it will sag if you don’t prop it up.
• You probably should brace the rest of the dome, too. If you are the PiC, go inside for a lie down at this point. Be unable to rest because you feel to guilty that the OCD person is doing a thing for you without your help. Make them a cup of tea, instead.

• Make the roost. We made a triangle of stakes, lashed them together, and suspended them from the top any old how. My chickens are pretty light, so we didn’t get too detailed with the reinforcing. But if yours are actual-sized ones, you might want to rest it on the sides of the dome as well. Make sure they gap between the roost and where the roof will be is big enough for your chickens to be comfortable.

• By this stage it is getting dark, but you really really want the chickens to go in their new dome tonight. Really. It’s important. It just is. So whack the chickenwire on in a hurry. We cut a rectangle for the bottom section that is mostly a cylinder, and cable tied that to the struts. You might need one person sitting inside, and one outside. Then we just kind of placed the bits we had over the top and tied it in, however it made sense.

• Suspend water and food containers from the roost. We put in that extra strut because the chickens couldn’t work out how to get up to their roost, since it was so much higher than their last one. They kept trying to perch on the entry. They worked it out in a day or so and I took the white strut out.

Those tires in the front have potatoes in them. Please don't look in that disaster in my shed. I swear only the front 1/3 of that stuff is mine.

• Cover the dome with a heavy duty tarp, and cable tie into place. Linda says not to attach it to the dome, because in a wind it can basically lift off. However, I found with the smaller dome, in my fairly sheltered backyard, that it’s fine. Your mileage my vary, obviously. Tie it down fairly tight so it doesn’t flap and freak out your chooks.
• The red thing in there is the old mop bucket that is SUPPOSED to be a nesting box. They liked it fine before, but for some reason in the new dome it’s not good enough. Now they prefer waiting to be let out (squawking all the while) to find secret nests. Maybe this would be less of a problem if my backyard weren’t overgrown with weeds, with many many good places for secret nests.

After that we were buggered. I did the door by myself the next day.

Basically, I tied pieces of bird wire to the sides with cable ties. I folded down the edges, so they wouldn’t catch on things. I attached the inner edges to pieces of smaller polypipe that I’d bought for something else. Then I cut little bits of the larger pipe, and attached it to the dome. The smaller pipe slides into the bits of big pipe, top and bottom. It doesn’t fit exactly, so I pull it closed with a springy thing that’s meant for tents. It’s not perfect, and it doesn’t keep the f-er sparrows out, but it basically does the job.

Tada! Brand new, actually functioning, chicken dome! It’s lovely and it’s possibly one of my favourite things I’ve ever owned. For serious. It’s very very light, which is important as I have to move it myself.

I wrote out this whole post about how I haven’t been around because I’m tired, and then wordpress ate it. (And also this one, which I’d cleverly written in Word, first. It seems it didn’t like photos being included?)

Probably for the best – it got a bit maudlin. Well, it is Monday morning, after all. Only three weeks till holidays, though. I am looking forward to them.

I sort of accidentally volunteered to organise the family Christmas. I’m not hosting, it’s at Grandmas, but I’m doing the running around and herding cats organising family members. Mostly just telling who to bring what. But it’s good, I’ve been trying to involve myself more with my family. There were a few thing this year that I felt left out of, and while part of it probably was certain family members not thinking of me, a good part of it was that with most of my cousins interstate or overseas, my contact with the general family is limited. So I am trying to rectify that.

I anticipate that family Christmas will be painful but good. We had a big family birthday/reunion type thing a few months ago, after which I was really upset for no particular reason. I think I need to do some more processing – which is good, because it means I am in a place where I can actually do that. Progress, emotional continence, etc. In the mean time, though, it’s leaving me a bit limp and faded. I was just describing it to a friend as it feeling like my emotional bones are aching. I feel physically fine, but keep catching myself walking carefully, and holding myself as if I hurt. Keep having vivid, confusing, emotional dreams, too, that I can’t remember but mean I wake up completely un-rested. Only to be expected, really, as we head in to December. I’m fine, though. Taking it easy on myself, and I could be better, but all in all, totally fine.

As frustrating as this time of year business is, it does mean it has a time limit. Three weeks till holidays, when I can sleep all day. Then trauma week. Then festivities, then one more week of holiday to enjoy the summer. Not so long, really.

Anyway, long story short, I’m around, although some days even logging in to leave a comment just seems like too much effort. I am looking forward to being less tired, so I can sit outside in the twilight, having drinks with friends. And I am grateful for all the company and metaphorical cups of tea and cocktails that you internet people provide me with.

I wanted my first-year film students to understand what happens to a story when actual human beings inhabit your characters, and the way they can inspire storytelling. And I wanted to teach them how to look at headshots and what you might be able to tell from a headshot. So for the past few years I’ve done a small experiment with them.

It works like this: I bring in my giant file of head shots, which include actors of all races, sizes, shapes, ages, and experience levels. Each student picks a head shot from the stack and gets a few minutes to sit with the person’s face and then make up a little story about them. I wanted to know:

• What kind of story or genre do you think of when you see this person?
• What character are they playing in the story?
• Is there a specific role or type that comes to mind?
• What is their job?
• Maybe describe an environment, or period, or style of dress that you associate with the person.

The students then show off their actor’s photo and pitch their stories to the class and then we talk about the results. I’ve run this experiment a few times, and the students are very excited and creative with stories/genres and have a lot of fun with it. “I picture him in a Western. He’s the lone cowboy who rides through town and gets caught up in the trouble that’s going on there.”

However, some troubling shit always occurs.

Namely, for white men, they have no trouble coming up with an entire history, job, role, genre, time, place, and costume. They will often identify him without prompting as “the main character.” The only exception? “He would play the gay guy.” For white women, they mostly do not come up with a job (even though it was specifically asked for), and they will identify her by her relationships. “She would play the mom/wife/love interest/best friend.” I’ve heard “She would play the slut” or “She would play the hot girl.” A lot more than once.

For nonwhite men, it can be equally depressing. “He’s in a buddy cop movie, but he’s not the main guy, he’s the partner.” “He’d play a terrorist.” “He’d play a drug dealer.” “A thug.” “A hustler.” “Homeless guy.” One Asian actor was promoted to “villain.”

For nonwhite women (grab onto something sturdy, like a big glass of strong liquor), sometimes they are “lucky” enough to be classified as the girlfriend/love interest/mom, but I have also heard things like “Well, she’d be in a romantic comedy, but as the friend, you know?” “Maid.” “Prostitute.” “Drug addict.”

I should point out that the responses are similar whether the group is all or mostly-white or extremely racially mixed, and all the groups I’ve tried this with have been about equally balanced between men and women, though individual responses vary. Women do a little better with women, and people of color do a little better with people of color, but female students sometimes forget to come up with a job for female actors and black male students sometimes tell the class that their black male actor wouldn’t be the main guy.

Once the students have made their pitches, we interrogate their opinions. “You seem really sure that he’s not the main character – why? What made you automatically say that?” “You said she was a mom. Was she born a mom, or did she maybe do something else with her life before her magic womb opened up and gave her an identity? Who is she as a person?” In the case of the “thug“, it turns out that the student was just reading off his film resume. This brilliant African American actor who regularly brings houses down doing Shakespeare on the stage and more than once made me weep at the beauty and subtlety of his performances, had a list of film credits that just said “Thug #4.” “Gang member.” “Muscle.” Because that’s the film work he can get. Because it puts food on his table.

So, the first time I did this exercise, I didn’t know that it would turn into a lesson on racism, sexism, and every other kind of -ism. I thought it was just about casting. But now I know that casting is never just about casting, and this day is a real teachable opportunity. Because if we do this right, we get to the really awkward silence, where the (now mortified) students try to sink into their chairs. Because, hey, most of them are proud Obama voters! They have been raised by feminist moms! They don’t want to be or see themselves as being racist or sexist. But their own racism and sexism is running amok in the room, and it’s awkward.

The students aren’t stupid or malicious or evil for automatically slating the actors they way they did. They aren’t doing anything that casting directors don’t do every day. They are just reflecting the world they’ve seen on screen since they were born, the one where white men with strong jaws are the default human and everyone else is “other.”

The casting director and the studio will say “It’s just business. We’re trying to do what sells and give people what they want.” Let’s say you get to direct a big budget studio action film. Daniel Craig is interested in starring in the project. But you would love to cast Chiwitel Ejiofor, who is also great-looking and athletic and brilliant and who can definitely carry a film and even has a British accent! Both would do a bang-up job with the role, but with one actor you are guaranteed a certain box-office return and with one actor you are not, so you now have to talk your investors and the studio into shouldering more risk (and probably cutting your budget significantly or even un-greenlighting your movie or firing you, because what kind of idiot would turn down such a proven moneymaker?) So you think, I know! I’ll cast Craig as the lead but Ejiofor can be the partner (the one who dies horribly and inspires Daniel Craig to punch everyone in the world as revenge). The film will be good, everyone will make their money, no one is trying to be evil. Problem solved, right?

…

If you want to talk strictly aesthetics vs. politics, I think movies that are populated only with skinny under-25 white people with perfect teeth and hair who try to find love within the same 10 square blocks of New York or LA (with maybe some charming ethnic neighbors or whatever) are just… boring. Movies that star THE WALL OF DUDE + 1 TOKEN HOT LADY are boring. And then…did anyone see the trailer for Larry Crowne (as described by Melissa McEwan)? Watching that piece of mediocre bullshit before every single movie I’ve seen this summer, I can’t decide if I’m angry, bored-angry, angry-bored, or bored-bored. The sad thing is that the filmmakers are probably patting themselves on the back for not having an all-white cast and those actors are happy to get the paycheck and work with Tom Hanks.

So what I want to say to Hollywood industry folks is that you have so much power to change the way that people see themselves and the world, and if you would just dream a little bigger, we would follow you. While everyone likes looking at gorgeous people, there are a lot of definitions of gorgeous. The way we are represented on screen hold meaning and power and consequences for us. You can take risks and still be commercial. IfMachete can pass the Bechdel Test, so can you.

And for my talented and lovely students, who will make the films we’ll be watching years from now, it’s important to me to get this out in the open right at the start. Take the Red Pill, students! In school, when you’re not making commercial work and you’re not beholden to anyone for what you do, why bind yourself to reproducing what you’ve already seen?

Because if this semester I have to watch 75 films about able-bodied middle class white guys with good abs being white at other white guys, relieved only by the occasional “hot chick”, “mom”, “love interest” ,”thug”, “maid”, or “black best friend”), I’m sure the writing will be sharp and the camerawork will be skilled and the acting will be good and your grade will be fine. But you’ll also be sending me and everyone else a message that you’re happy with the world just as it is. And the prospect of that makes me just a little angry-bored.

In unrelated news, last night I had a dream that I got to craft camp only to be told that it was for a whole week, not a few days. Which was great, but I then spent the rest of the dream trying to change my flights and finding someone to water my seedlings. Still, if that were the option, I’d take it.