A marker

I’m tired.  So damn tired.  I can’t remember not being tired.  I’m sick and I can’t really remember not being sick.  Nothing major, just run down, sniffles and coughs and runny noses.  Have a sore inside my lip that won’t heal.  That kind of thing.

Today was Solstice.  It was a gorgeous, beautiful day.  The sun shone, and the clouds were fluffy, and the birds sang… and I had a hangover.  I managed to lay on the grass in the sun and think about mowing it, and to sweep (the floors were GROSS, y’all).  And that’s it.

The house feels… sad.  There’s dust in the corners (well, there was) everything’s just a bit left around.  Things are sitting in transition places, waiting to have a home found for them.  Pictures are in frames but not hung.  Everything just feels unfinished and a bit neglected.

I am not sure why I started this post.  I was going to say something about the solstice being a turning point, and the day feeling lighter today – closer to spring that winter, although I am aware that it’s a long slog out, still.  I am so sick of getting home from work and it already being dark.

On a positive note, my sister is on holidays from uni and she’s doing a lot more around the house.  She’s still an 18 year old girl, but she’s starting to get the rythm of things, I think.  The other day we hung out in the kitchen, peeling apples and making stew and pudding.  It was seriously awesome.  Plus, she found out that one of her favourite dresses is getting tight and so she’s putting in an effort to actually cook instead of grabbing fast food, which is relieving an irritation of mine.  She often asks if she can have some of my food, even though we’re officially cooking for ourselves.  And I say yes because really, there’s only so many days you can eat one thing before you want to scream.  And also, I am the Older Sibling and that means that I am Responsible.  Even when I shouldn’t be.  So I spend a lot of time talking myself down from being passive aggressive about it, and I do pretty well.  But that’s an energy suck in itself.

So now we are sharing food.  She made the best macaroni cheese the other day.  Which makes me feel good because even if it’s still uneven I know she’s starting to realise what goes into each meal – not just the money and the cooking but the thought and the shopping and everything.  Which is that much harder when you only have a bike to get around on, and you’ve been tired for a month.  And she’s started to click that if I do the dishes even if it’s her turn, it’s not me trying to be passive aggressive.  I just want the pan clean so I can cook so I can eat.  (It’d be nice if she’d take the freaking recycling out though… still not paradise here!)

But it’s starting to feel more like we’re living together, not just sleeping in the same house.  If you know what I mean.  It’s a good feeling.

So, solstice!

I think I am going to start my 12 to wear now.  Solstice to solstice.  I will not be counting anything finished before now (petticoat out!) but things on the needles but not cast off still count.

I am also thinking of trying to do the picture a day thing.  I am not really sure why.  I would just like to use my camera more.  And I would like to have more record of what my life looks like – not the events, just the days.  I think I will try and see how I go.  My camera really struggles with low light, so I don’t know that there’ll be any great ones for a while.

So, in the spirit, here is one that qualifies, since it was taken about 12:30 last night.  It’s Emma giving Sarah an adorable haircut.

Hair cutting 4 by you.


3 thoughts on “A marker

  1. oh, i hear you on the food thing (ie cook a casserole, then eat it for the next week!) There’s sustenance and economy and then there’s the need to just. enjoy. something. DIFFERENT!

    good work with you sister – hope the good vibes continue for you both, and hopefully you’ll start to feel less tired soon 🙂

  2. Solstice to solstice is a great idea! Plus it means getting into the cold next year with a new suite of knitted items. I might just have to yoink that idea. Have you thought about maybe whether SAD is visiting with you as well?

  3. Macaroni cheese sounds good… sometimes it’s just nice to eat something you haven’t had to think about. And also something that includes bacon. Preferably both.

Whadya reckon?

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