I opened a new tub of margarine this morning.  That piece of paper that protects the top told me that I should be proud of myself – that 99% of the contents of that tub came from natural sources.

Guys, OIL comes from a natural source.  As does coal, and CFCs and also George W. Bush.  In fact, pretty much everything comes from a natural source, at some point.  And is also made of chemicals, so please don’t put ‘chemical free!’ on the side – that would mean you are selling me a vacuum.

I get cranky about this whole ‘natural’ bandying about.  I’m all for natural!  But I’m not all for being told ‘buy this!  It’s natural!  And Good For You!’  I am reminded of the time that my Wretched Aunt told me that I should put some more butter on my roll.  Because it’s Biodynamic.  It’s good for me.


99% fat free – because it’s 98% sugar.  Made from real sugar! About 20 steps in the process ago, depending on what you define as ‘sugar’.  All natural!  Just like arsenic, wrinkles, and death.


8 thoughts on “Natural

  1. LOL well said. I always wonder if it’s 99% fat free compared to the usual (for example) 10% fat then what crap have they used to fill out the missing 9% of fat? Probably nothing I want to eat.

  2. Oh lord I could go on about this for a good long time. Instead I will say at work we are trying hard to work out how the government can regulate ‘green wash’ – ie the selling of products with claims to environmental benefits. All these things are very hard because language is so subjective. It’s like labeling food organic – I mean really what food is NOT organic? And yet we understand that in context we use the term organic (and have rules and processes for who and how this label can be used and an organisationt hat does the certification and polices it) to mean something specific, something more than the the broader dictionary old skool meaning. But words like natural and phrases like good for you…sheesh. Sadly whilst consumers feel little or no responsibility to be informed about what they buy and consume its pretty hard to solve people believing any old crap.

  3. My personal favourite was some guy on TT/ACA/some awful infotainment news show who was ‘investigating’ how crap frozen vegetables were. Anyway, he did tests and then grimly informed the duly-horrified host that they were 80% water, implying that the Aussie Battler (TM) was being scammed. I screamed at the TV, “YOU’RE 70% water, you fucking fuck!” True story. My flatmates at the time found it very amusing.

    Anyway: Vegetables are mostly water. As are humans. As are, well, mostly anything living. Same with chemicals, as you so rightly point out.

  4. Oh lord do NOT get me started on this as well. It annoys the CRAP out of me that there are “good” foods and “bad” foods. When did this happen? I was brought up Cookie-monster style, where there were every day foods and sometimes foods. And some natural foods are still sometimes foods.

    And the organic, chemical free thing – makes me twitch.

Whadya reckon?

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