A marker

I’m tired.  So damn tired.  I can’t remember not being tired.  I’m sick and I can’t really remember not being sick.  Nothing major, just run down, sniffles and coughs and runny noses.  Have a sore inside my lip that won’t heal.  That kind of thing.

Today was Solstice.  It was a gorgeous, beautiful day.  The sun shone, and the clouds were fluffy, and the birds sang… and I had a hangover.  I managed to lay on the grass in the sun and think about mowing it, and to sweep (the floors were GROSS, y’all).  And that’s it.

The house feels… sad.  There’s dust in the corners (well, there was) everything’s just a bit left around.  Things are sitting in transition places, waiting to have a home found for them.  Pictures are in frames but not hung.  Everything just feels unfinished and a bit neglected.

I am not sure why I started this post.  I was going to say something about the solstice being a turning point, and the day feeling lighter today – closer to spring that winter, although I am aware that it’s a long slog out, still.  I am so sick of getting home from work and it already being dark.

On a positive note, my sister is on holidays from uni and she’s doing a lot more around the house.  She’s still an 18 year old girl, but she’s starting to get the rythm of things, I think.  The other day we hung out in the kitchen, peeling apples and making stew and pudding.  It was seriously awesome.  Plus, she found out that one of her favourite dresses is getting tight and so she’s putting in an effort to actually cook instead of grabbing fast food, which is relieving an irritation of mine.  She often asks if she can have some of my food, even though we’re officially cooking for ourselves.  And I say yes because really, there’s only so many days you can eat one thing before you want to scream.  And also, I am the Older Sibling and that means that I am Responsible.  Even when I shouldn’t be.  So I spend a lot of time talking myself down from being passive aggressive about it, and I do pretty well.  But that’s an energy suck in itself.

So now we are sharing food.  She made the best macaroni cheese the other day.  Which makes me feel good because even if it’s still uneven I know she’s starting to realise what goes into each meal – not just the money and the cooking but the thought and the shopping and everything.  Which is that much harder when you only have a bike to get around on, and you’ve been tired for a month.  And she’s started to click that if I do the dishes even if it’s her turn, it’s not me trying to be passive aggressive.  I just want the pan clean so I can cook so I can eat.  (It’d be nice if she’d take the freaking recycling out though… still not paradise here!)

But it’s starting to feel more like we’re living together, not just sleeping in the same house.  If you know what I mean.  It’s a good feeling.

So, solstice!

I think I am going to start my 12 to wear now.  Solstice to solstice.  I will not be counting anything finished before now (petticoat out!) but things on the needles but not cast off still count.

I am also thinking of trying to do the picture a day thing.  I am not really sure why.  I would just like to use my camera more.  And I would like to have more record of what my life looks like – not the events, just the days.  I think I will try and see how I go.  My camera really struggles with low light, so I don’t know that there’ll be any great ones for a while.

So, in the spirit, here is one that qualifies, since it was taken about 12:30 last night.  It’s Emma giving Sarah an adorable haircut.

Hair cutting 4 by you.

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12 and 12

So I was thinking?  About the 12 to wear?

First, I was thinking, I have to get my act together.  Also, when am I going to count it from?  I choose to start it NOW, since otherwise I’m going to get disenheartened.  May, it is.  I will start teh official count with FO posts, soon. 

I was also thinking: anyone else want to join in?  I’m not a big  joiner, and I am even less of an organiser, so I don’t plan on anything much.  Maybe just some comraderie and perhaps we might stretch to a flickr pool?  I was planning on making the definition pretty wide – I already mentioned that I was gonna count my pattern blocks as a FO, since while I can’t wear them, they are a big step towards my goal, and I want to encourage that.  I was thinking that bags would also count (I have one in mind, just trying to work up the courage/skill) since they are technically part of an outfit, and are technically worn.  Anyone joining is, of course, welcome to stretch the definition as far as they want.

And THEN I was thinking: yes, I want to make 12 things, for me to wear.  But I also don’t want to discourage other things.  So I was thinking: 12 to give.  Also clothing items.  Also loose definition thereof.

Anyone with me?

Biking in

I rode in to work today.  I haven’t ridden in about a week, usually because I was going somewhere after work or something came up, or I was whiney and pretending to be sick, and also I wanted the knitting time.  I almost didin’t ride in today, being whiney yet again.  I got a flu shot at work yesterday and I was trying to convince myself that Tuesdayitis was a reaction to flu.  But riding in to work is something I want to be committed to, so I made myself.

As soon as I hit the road and my feet hit the pedals, I knew I’d made the right decision.  I knew I’d missed it.  It was like hitting ‘publish’ on that first blog post again.

It was excellent.  I ride the back streets, along the train track.  I love trains.  I don’t know why.  And because it’s along the train track it’s all leafy and spacious and quiet.  The leaves are turning, and the sun was shining, and it was just beautiful and peaceful.  It’s nice to not be plugged in or squashed in with people or waiting for something.  I’m a dawdler, I just ride until I get there.  It was so peaceful!

And then I got to work on an endorphin high and was offensively perky.  Was fantastic.

When I ride in, I usually take a  tshirt and jumper to ride in, and a change of shirt and socks because those are the bits that get sweaty.  Today it was my sad robot tshirt (entitled ‘she doesn’t even realise’), my bright green socks from Rivers, and Cobblestone.  I’ve been wearing it the last couple of days.  I’m wearing it now.  Inside out, because I’m special, and once it was on I figured it looks kind of nice this way and no one even knows anyway.

I don’t know if that’s significant.  I guess so, but I’m not sure of what.  Someone asked me if I’d made it myself, because they hadn’t seen it before and I mumblingly confessed that I knit it for my dad.  Cue usual awkward pause.  It still makes me cross that I think twice, three times even, about any story involving my dad, even incidentally. 
When we were moving, I packed almost everything in the last 12 hours.  At 12 in the morning, the day before moving, I was shovelling my clothes into big blue IKEA bags.  I scooped up a big armful of knitted jumpers and stopped.  There was, on the top, my favourite grey jumper.  Under that was the first jumper I ever knit, shut in my room in  my honours year, hiding away from my mother and her moods.  Without that jumper my life would look very different, considering how many of the important people in my life I’ve meet through knitting.  Speaking of, the next one was a jumper that Emma’s husband’s ex wife knit for him.  Neither of them can wear it, so I’ve got it.  Then a jumper my grandma knit.  It’s not as good as she likes, since her eyesight is going and her hands hurt her if she knits for too long.  She wasn’t happy with it, so I got it.  And on the bottom was Cobblestone.
An armful of significance, if ever I saw one.
I was thinking about Stash and Burn, since I was indulging in some serious pattern stalking (which they talked about in I think ep 73?) this morning.  (Baby cables, mostly.  Waaaaaant).  I have been listening to my backlog of episodes while knitting Rogue.  They are one of my fave podcasts, and always help me out of any knitting slump, by making me want to KNIT EVERYTHING NOW!!!!
Anyway.  In on I think ep 74, one of them (sorry, I just don’t remember who – I think Jenny?) was talking about her 52 project.  She’s going to make 52 projects in a year.
I am considering doing something similar.  Except not quite as ambitious.   I would like to make 12 to wear.  I would like to make one item of clothing, for myself, that I will wear, a month.  For a year.  I realised the other day that it’s been almost a year since I did my pattern drafting course, and I still haven’t finished my blocks!  So I am going to count them as a FO.  And then I want to work on one project a month, knitted, sewed, taped together.  Whatever works.
I think I can do it!